Trust (July 1, 2005 - September 21, 2008)

Trust

"What happens when trust is lost?," Mohinder Suresh (Heroes) asks. A very thoughtful question. Previously, I found it easy to answer. You go on living because trust, like love, will find you again. But that was the romantic in me, who also died last September 21, 2008.

Through the past couple of years, it has been difficult to put trust in people. Come to think of it, this is the first really personal blog I've posted. I guess now, more than ever before, I feel alone. I've been let down by almost everybody I respected and considered dear yet somehow I got through all of it seemingly unscathed. I am aware that people are flawed. But to be let down, to be disappointed, to be played, to be underestimated, to be deemed insignificant, to be ignored and discarded over and over takes its toll. More so if those times that you would decide to put your trust in somebody are few and far between.


People always have their own agenda. Parents, as much as they can, get their children to follow a plan even if it is just for their peace of mind. Mentors are never selfless nor forthcoming enough to their students either because of pride or slightly more sinister reasons. Friends always have a secret or two they're not telling you about out of respect, or for fear of hurting you. The latter eventually happens usually later rather than sooner and by then, the pain would have been doubled and there might not be enough trust left to salvage the relationship.


It apears it is now too much to ask for a little honesty. I have come to accept that people are "multifaceted" individuals changing mask after mask as the need arises. Some people lie straight to my face, deny until they run out of breath and die. Others play the innocent, confide in me in the guise of someone looking for advice or an objective eye to get me on their side and then, would not have the decency to own up to their mistake when they're caught in the act. I guess everything is really just that -- an act.


I don't judge people. People will do what they have to do or what they want to do regardless of the repercussions. Especially those with the means to get away with it. All I ask is for you to tell me what you want to do but don't ask or expect me to support you in every decision. Ask me to keep it secret, I will. Just don't play me for a fool. I already am.